dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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