Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
