I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
