Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
and she was petting her beer can
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Randomize
