I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
