please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
