Plan B is the new Plan A
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
bring money and cleavage
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize
