She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
