I haven't been this sober since birth.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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