Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
A bitchslap is in order.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
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