Pappa wants mamma naked
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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