So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
