i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize