Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
