y did u give ur computer a hand job?
Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
