Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
