hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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