I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
