Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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