I heard we made out
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
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