In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
