fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Randomize
