I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
I accidentally walked in the wrong house but I somehow left with a chicken leg. Good fucking night.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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