There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You may now shotgun with the bride
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
