Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
