Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
