Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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