everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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