whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
