im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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