You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
