Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
