I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
