i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
