i was rollin on her like bob the builder
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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