Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
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