So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
