would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Randomize
