If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
