We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize
