I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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