Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
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