you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
