I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
