whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
