Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
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