New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
