i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Sext me about skeletons
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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