You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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