So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
