good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
