You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
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