i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Randomize
