I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
