Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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