It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
where are you?
Hypothermia
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
She's not a foreskin expert like you
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Randomize
