omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
God I love babysitting. They pay me $10 an hour to watch movies and sext
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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