I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
