Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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