hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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