Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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