well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
