Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
