Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
