i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
