thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
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